Is It Worth It?
by Sarah1281
Summary: After Anders is brought back to the Circle after his first escape attempt, Irving tries convince Anders that he's going about resisting the Templars the wrong way but only manages to convince Anders that he deserves his contempt. For a BSN prompt.


Is It Worth It?

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age.

Note: Prompt was 'Anders' Irving Hatred.'

First Enchanter Irving sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose as he eyed the Circle's most recent escapist. Anders was only a teenager – or perhaps that wasn't so surprising – and he was already determined to cause trouble. He hadn't ever been willing to play nicely with the Templars and Irving blamed that on the fact that he was identified as a mage far later in life than most of the apprentices. He had gotten a taste for the outside world and such things were dangerous for one destined to spend their life inside of a Tower. It led one to view their sanctuary as a gilded cage. Irving did see the appeal of the outside world, of course, but there was no use sulking about the way things were or attempting to run from the system. How could anyone hope to change it from a distance, after all? And the Templars weren't unreasonable. Greagoir, especially, was always willing to listen and to try and make a fair decision.

"I hope you're happy, Anders," Irving said at last.

Anders crossed his arms petulantly and looked distinctly _not_ happy. "I was perfectly happy until those bucket-headed bastards showed up to cart me back to mage prison."

"I assure you, Anders, this is hardly Aeonar," Irving said wryly.

Anders rolled his eyes. "Just because that place might be worse doesn't say anything good about here."

"And you really shouldn't call the Templars that, Anders," Irving cautioned. "You'll only antagonize them and that will only make your life harder."

"And _they_ really shouldn't show up when I'm about to score," Anders retorted. "Or at all, really. If they could stay out of my presence for the rest of my life then I would be glad to never refer to them as bucket-headed bastards again."

"You know that they can't do that," Irving said wearily.

"Then I guess we're at an impasse," Anders said flippantly.

"You had one week outside of the Tower," Irving began.

Anders sighed wistfully. "And what a week it was. All weeks should be like that."

"In exchange for that week, you've cost all of the apprentices the limited exposure to the outside that they were permitted to experience," Irving continued as if he hadn't heard him. "And you know that the Templars will never stop watching you."

"The Templars were _always_ going to be watching me," Anders said flatly. "They apparently get off on that kind of thing. And I refuse to be blamed for the further mistreatment my fellow mages are undergoing."

Irving couldn't believe his blatant refusal to take a little responsibility for his actions. "_You're_ the one who jumped into the lake and escaped in the middle of exercises."

"And they are the ones who are intent on imprisoning me here for the rest of my life for the high crime of being born a mage," Anders countered. "Why are you taking their side anyway? You're a mage! Furthermore, you're the _First Enchanter_. You're supposed to be advocating our interests to them, not the other way around."

"I **am**," Irving said firmly, a little affronted that this mere child would dare question his commitment. "But we must attend to reality. The Chantry wants us to all live in the Tower and this is for our protection just as much as it is for the non-mages. They don't always react well to the discovery that they have a mage in their midst, after all. The Chantry enjoys popular support from the people and the crown approves of their actions. They also have an army of Templars that can neutralize our magic with ease and access to phylacteries that enable them to find us wherever we might go."

"I am well aware of that," Anders said through gritted teeth. "Everything is stacked against us and you just make it worse!"

"Alright Anders," Irving said coldly. "If you're so convinced that I'm a Chantry puppet while you're the rebel freedom fighter then let us consider the effects that our actions up to this point have had. Take the opportunity for mage apprentices like yourself to go exercise outside of the Tower and to actually have a break from spending years inside the Tower. _I_ fought with Greagoir for weeks to get him to approve of the idea and had to convince him that it wouldn't be used to try and train mages to resist Templars or to escape. Your week of 'freedom' has cost everyone that. Now, it will be years until the Templars can be convinced to try it again and in the meantime you've personally ensured that the apprentices in the meantime will **never** see the sunlight. The ones that don't make it through their Harrowing will never see the sun ever again thanks to you."

"You _cannot_ blame this on me!" Anders insisted.

"Can't I?" Irving retorted. "It was your actions that led to this."

"So when the oppressors crack down on the oppressed because someone dared to do something, you blame the only person who seems interested in fighting for their freedom?" Anders demanded. He laughed bitterly. "You really have been here too long. I wonder how many years I'll have to be trapped here before the indoctrination starts to take root in me."

"You don't have to be here forever, Anders," Irving told him earnestly. "You have only made things difficult for yourself with your escape – and should you try it again which I know you will it will only make things worse for yourself – but it's possible to work within the system to get what you want. Study hard, pass your Harrowing, and you can leave the Tower. Not forever and not for no reason but if you have a purpose then you can spend a great deal of time away from here. I haven't actually seen Senior Enchanter Wynne for the last three years, for instance."

"If I have to ask their _permission_ then it's hardly freedom," Anders pointed out.

"If the end result is important enough to you, you'll learn to forget your principles," Irving countered.

"Now I can see why you got the title of First Enchanter," Anders said, shaking his head in disgust. "You may be a mage but you're still one of **them**." With that, he stormed out of the room.

Irving closed his eyes as he listened to the boys' footsteps receding. Didn't he understand that the Templars were never going to leave? Trying to be free of them was a wasted endeavor and one had to choose their battles carefully. They had to work within the system.

Anders would learn that in time or he would die. Either way, he would have no one to blame but himself and Irving sincerely hoped that, however things turned out for him, it would be worth it.

Review please!


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